“….. it was no longer enough that I do this just for myself – the sheer pain, agony, terror and hopelessness that my family and I experienced at the hands of the system being misused, would never be brought upon another person. And it’s with this commitment that I have founded Samadhaan.com. The purpose is to bring you everything that I learned along my own journey…”
Before you start reading my story, I also want you to know that I no longer blame any individual in particular for the ordeal that my family and I went through abuse of the criminal justice system of India. In a way, I am thankful to all those who tried to harm my family and me – because their brutality and viciousness became the source of my courage – the courage for sharing my story (as much as I have shared it here) and bringing courage, knowledge and support to you through Samadhaan.com.
It is also important to read this in a gender-neutral manner. I believe that men and women both become victims of their ignorance, vested interests of others and exploitation at the hands of the dark elements in the system. This is my story – and being a man – I write from a man’s perspective. But all that happened to me, could happen to anyone – man or woman.
And finally you should know that the judicial system of India is worth our trust. I have my complete faith in the Judiciary to deliver justice. By getting the right information and support, you will empower yourself with tools against oppression and with that, you will be strengthening the ability of the Judiciary to do justice to you.
So let’s begin….
I was born in a small town called Churu in Rajasthan in 1976, and remained the only child to my parents who were struggling with very low income and a large extended family to support. My father started as a junior worker in a bank and my mother, who despite being a PhD, could only find her first stable job as a lecturer at the age of 34. And so while my parents always struggled for disposable income, they provided for my good education and all the necessities for a decent life.
During school, I was neither good at studies nor at anything extra curricular. I knew in my heart that I wanted to do something big with my life but never really got around to figuring it out and was therefore comfortable being a “nobody”.
After a couple of unsuccessful attempts at entrance exams for IIT and other engineering colleges , I decided to start working with my mother in the small NGO that she had started. While I loved working in the non-profits, there was not enough work for me in her organization. I felt the need to start something else – which led to the launch of my first company, which eventually grew into a multi-nation company working with customers from all over the world.
I met my wife in college and like the average guy I had been, she was my first and only girlfriend. It was clear to me that she is the one that I am going to marry and that my parents would support my decision. My marriage was never a great one. I was always scared of the next thing that I could “do wrong” that could cause a fight. And therefore always trying to keep her happy was my “formula” for keeping things calm at home. I was often tolerating a number of things in my relationship that ( in hindsight) I should never have tolerated. Tolerating the intolerable, only makes things worse – as I have learned. These things were mostly demanded in a passive-aggressive manner, which never came out as direct confrontation, but more in the form of no-matter-what-you-do-you-will never-make-me-happy-unless-you-give-into-my-increasingly-tough-demands kind of behaviour. It drove me nuts but I did not have the courage to do anything about it. There was such a bad environment at home due to the behaviour of my wife that my parents asked me to leave their home. And despite the pain of missing my parents and the hurt of having to leave them alone since I was their only child, I started to live separately with my wife hoping that the much wanted peace would come.
But of course, as I said earlier, if you tolerate the intolerable, it would only increase with time. And so it did. A few months after moving into the apartment, I found out that she had violated the only sacred bond that a husband has with his wife. My whole world fell apart. I had created strained relationship with my parents for this woman and now I realise that I do not even have a wife to call as my own. I felt orphaned and did not know which person or place to call as my own.
I thought this was the worst experience that I would ever have in my life. What I did not know, that something much worse was about to come in a few months.
After about a year of trying to find my feet again and several failed attempts of getting her agreement for a divorce by mutual consent, I filed for divorce. In the last meeting, she asked for a sum of money that was more than the total worth of my family. Maybe she thought that if she asks for such a large sum of money, she would have an upper hand in the negotiations that would follow. To me, the idea that I would cause further pain to my parents by asking them to give up their life’s savings for getting a divorce from this woman was unacceptable and it brought an end of my negotiations with her.
She filed her first FIR 5 months after I filed for divorce and that was found by the Police to be a false case. Then there was a barrage of FIRs (total 5 FIRs she had done until the time I am writing this) – very possibly prompted by her “smart” advisors who were thinking that these many FIRs would cause terror and will force us to pay huge sums of money. Well! As you would find out later in the story, her advisors were right in one thing – we DID get extremely terrorised but what they did not know (and we all need to know) that the path of confrontation can go in any direction – its foolish to think that aggression will necessarily get someone the results that he seeks. (A side note: the proof of the fact that – confrontation does not necessarily work and can even backfire – can be found in my own case. Not only has my wife and her greedy supporters not got a single dime in settlement yet, but they have also become liable for being punished for their illegal actions in framing and harassing my family with false cases. )
During this initial period, I was so ignorant that I did not even know the meaning of a FIR and how much the system can be misused by my wife and her cronies. And so while my wife was doing many FIRs and trying to pressurise the police through political connections to arrest me, I was paying no attention to all this and was going about my business. In one way, this was an expensive mistake for which my parents and I paid a heavy price ( loss of money, social humiliation and physical torture) – but on the other hand, if I had not gone through the trauma that certain individuals of the society and the system had put me through, I would not have had the courage to share my story with you.
Then, in November 2013, after being sweet-talked into coming to a café for “negotiations” by my wife, I was arrested, beaten up mercilessly, kept in police custody for 6 days and was threatened each day for settling the divorce on my wife’s terms. I was so terrified at that time that I was ready to settle in any manner possible and on any conditions. This is where my wife and her co-conspirators made a big mistake. And the mistake was that instead of using the “opportunity” of extorting the largest possible settlement from us, they got onto a power trip and started enjoying the pain that they were causing to my family and I. I believe that if they really were smart ( which it turned out they were not), they would have stuck to their top agenda of getting a large settlement and not to terrorise us or to destroy our spirits.
What ensued over the next 15 months was a blatant misuse of the Indian Police system by my wife and her influential supporters (who were perhaps promised a part of the extortion loot by my wife). Until we got in action and got help from very senior members of the Police and the courts, the lower levels of police were being manipulated to register new FIRs, declaring us accused without investigation, Policemen entering my home and abusing my family members, making illegal attempts to arrest my mother at night, visiting my home repeatedly and terrorising my neighbours (our neighbours stopped talking to us) and the police enthusiastically giving statements to the local journalists, who after being paid by my wife’s family were happy to print large news items painting my family and me as habitual criminals.
With relentless and vicious assaults like multiple police visits to our homes and offices, attempts to arrest without reason or legal backing etc. we were extremely terrorised. In fact, we got terrorised to the point that we lost all hope for a life free of harassment or of dignity and came to not really care anymore as to what would happen to us. We were beginning to lose all hope. We would all wake up at the slightest noise in the night, keep our home’s doors closed, every passing police car would seem that they are chasing to arrest us, stopped going to work, left town for many weeks at end and so on.
In March 2015, after multiple attempts of illegal arrests by Police, I finally got very, very angry at the unfairness of the situation and how I saw the misuse of the legal system in action just for sadistic pleasures by my wife . Suddenly, the naïve guy inside me died I realised that it was not just the legal battle that would get justice to my family, I had to stand up against the harassment that was being caused through the Police, Politicians and media.
And I took it upon myself that either I was going to fight back tooth and nail with these elements abusing the system or I was going to die trying. Really! Enough was enough.
And so the circumstances made me take on researching, reading and asking about the law. I had to check if the laws of the country of India were really that medieval that they put our family through the harrowing experience that we had been put through. I also started questioning everything that my lawyers were saying and confronting them when I did not agree (instead of meekly accepting whatever they said – as I used to do earlier). I started getting information about the legality of all the actions that the Police was taking. I was on fire and it was do or die.
I found that there are many, many ways to protect one’s rights in our country. What I lacked (and I guess you may lack as well ) is right information, competent legal advice, support of others, ways to make things happen in the system and the confidence that you, as a citizen of India, can get by standing up for your rights; there are people and structures in place in our country that would come to your aid.
And so finally, after having grown through my own experience of deception, torture, abuse of power, media mud-slinging, bad legal advice, vested interests acting against me, coming out of my own ignorance, and realising how insensitive and prone to abuse our criminal justice system can be, it was no longer enough that I fight just for myself – the sheer pain, agony, terror and hopelessness that my family and I experienced at the hands of the system being misused, would never be brought upon another person. And its with that commitment that I have founded Samadhaan.com. The purpose is to bring you a wide range of resources so that you can– find the power to reclaim your life back – so that you can be supported in dealing with an unfair litigation that has the potential to destroy your spirits and your life, as you know it.
Thank you for reading my story. Welcome to Samadhaan.com.